The Only Desire
   Date :31-Jul-2017


It was a breezy August day. He collapsed, groaning with pain. Nitika who was in the adjacent room, scuttled, only to find her father lying in pain on the floor. And he was rushed to casualty. A cardiac arrest. Underwent a rescue angioplasty.

Tears rolled down her mother's cheeks. Tears in eyes and pain in heart. Nitika held mother's hand and was riffling through the pages of life. Her mother's love, approach, ethos and all the moments of infinite memories came flooding back. Most importantly her sacrifice.

'Ashu' as she was endearingly called by her husband, suffered abuse throughout maximum period of her married life. Things took a turn for the worse when her husband and mother-in-law started behaving unintentionally obnoxious. She was forced to abandon every choice she made and live a life ruled by her husband and mother-in-law. Nitika and her siblings grew up in a household where physical and mental torture ran deep. They have watched their father abusing their mother both physically and mentally.

Nitika's mother stayed not because she loved her husband or because she had no family but because she thought she was doing what was best for her children. She stayed strong through the most tormentful of storms only looking at her children. Her desire to up bring her children in the best possible way she could, was giving her the endurance.

For Nitika's mother, getting married was if as she did some crime. Everything fell apart this day. The day she lost herself, to the darkness and cruelty. She was numb and shattered. She never thought after this day that she would feel again. She felt as if a harsh wind ripped through her body, leaving her with an empty feeling, stealing her emotions, leaving her numb.

All the stress and fear she went through so many years led to sleep deprivation and extreme mental fatigue. She was spiralling into depression. Finally landed into severe depression. It ate away her whole being from the inside. Her battle with depression lasted for 11 long years. She wanted to come out of it. And she came out strong. She found the strength within herself.

Nitika was seeing that in spite of her father's abusive behaviour meted out to her mother throughout maximum period of her married life; she never saw any signs of loathing in her mother towards her husband. She always loved him with trust, honour and respect. She was submissive. She gave every drop of love she had.

Time for the visiting hours. Asha's long wait was over. She met her husband who had just drifted back to consciousness. He saw Asha looking down at him. He looked at her and held her gaze. She smiled the half smile. All that reflected on her face was mirth. The first thing he asked Asha was to go for health screening. He did not want her to land in any emergency. She could hear him even though he did not speak. She nodded her head almost imperceptibly. And his gaze wavered.

They say that it just gets better and better as the years roll on. However, the person who is going through all the storms to make it better only knows the struggle. In some cases, you cannot make it better, because this is not your fault. Only the perpetrator can take responsibility for their actions. To fix things, a person should accept he is doing something wrong.

I love the expression of unconditional love captured into words in one of my favourite quotes. And that quote is: Go and love someone exactly as they are. Then watch how quickly they transform into the greatest and truest version of themselves. When one feels seen and appreciated in their own essence, one is instantly empowered.